Let’s look at intent and impact within our communication. Usually with loved (or even liked) ones, there is positive intentionality in conversing. We like to think that we utilize communication to convey a thought, ask a question, or seek understanding. Does the intent in the context of communication really matter? Let’s change the way we think about communication to improve impact.
I often see that even with the best intentions with communication, there can be shortcomings in understanding the impact. Even more so, folks feel misunderstood and misheard more often than not. This widens the gap between meaningful communication and connection within relationships.
When I think of intent, I think of people saying “well at least their intentions were good.” An example may be of someone setting up a GoFundMe fundraiser for a friend who has an illness and needs help with medical expenses. Good intentions right? What if that friend hadn’t shared, or didn’t want folks to know they were struggling with this illness? This results in a devastating impact.
With communication, there are many “taboo” topics that people desperately want to say the right thing often resulting in poor impact. Many of these taboo topics where people believe they have good intentions with their sentiments are grief, loss, difficulties conceiving, and difficulties in a partnership. People want to offer advice and support from either their experiences or in attempts to “make things better.”
Realistically, people aren’t asking for advice unless they blatantly say so. In a world of isolation and loneliness, folks are looking for a soft landing, listening ear, and some empathy. In communication, empathy means emptying our mind enough to listen to what the other person is saying. This takes precedence over formulating a response as they’re talking. If we become curious about the person we’re talking with, our communication will naturally fall in line with impact.
There are a lot of factors in understanding the potential impact of what we say and how we act. There are cultural considerations, biases, and the recipients experiences that shape their interpretation of communication.
The best change we can make to improve our communication is to pause prior to taking any action, whether it be a comment or behavior. Next we need to listen with empathy. Most importantly we need to be open to feedback about the impact of our comments or behaviors.
