I’ve had clients ask me “how long will this take,” or “is 1 year enough?” While there has been progress in the field of understanding how change may happen, there is no definitive answer to “how long.”
First, let’s look at some of the conditions for personal growth that can be achieved within the therapeutic relationship.
- Congruence. If your therapist is genuine and authentic and does not put up a front, you won’t feel as suspicious to their intentions or if they are being “real” with you.
- Positive regard. I don’t mean that your therapist should always be smiling, laughing, and looking on the bright side. They should have a willingness to align with the client and their feelings, without any conditions.
- Empathy. If you’re down in the dumps, a skilled therapist will be sitting right next to you. They won’t be saying “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I know why you’re so upset.” Having empathy means your therapist can be present in every moment-to-moment experience.
But Jess these are all about the therapist… how does that help ME, the client change?
Here’s a little bit about the process. First, if your therapist is sitting with you in your moment-to-moment feelings, it encourages you to actually feel and experience those feelings, as the setting feels safe. An example is experiencing anger. Anger is a taboo feeling and is often one that people try to shut down. “But look on the bright side,” or “it’s not that bad.” If you, the client, can learn how to experience and understand the feeling of anger, you’re able to courageously start to understand yourself.
Secondly, from the therapist’s perspective, I’m able to see this flow of changing feelings and emotions. I’m able to be with the client and not wonder what is actually going on within. The less I’m wondering, the more present I’m able to be. This is a process based on all of the conditions listed above (congruence, positive regard, and empathy). If it takes 6 months for the client to feel that those conditions are in place, there is no way I can say at session 1, “therapy only takes 6 months,” because only then can the work continue.
Finally, here are some results from the conditions and processes:
- The client develops a positive attitude about oneself.
- The client can form their own values and standards based on their needs and not the needs of others.
- There is a decrease in tension (internal distress and conflict/external anxiety).
- Willingness to experience the present moment, which increases the qualities of relationships within self, others, and the community.
